Facing the Abortion Issue as Mature Religious People

Column by Bishop John Shelby Spong on 1 February 2006 1 Comments
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Question

I'm 56 years old. My mother and I are at opposite
political poles. The only thing I can say in her
favor is that she is not a fundamentalist "Christian"
but she espouses nearly all the hate rhetoric of
neo-con/neo fascists. When she told me that her
favorite Fox "newscaster" was Bill O'Reilly, I told
her that that was more than I ever wanted to know
about her. I am ashamed of her, I don't like her, and
I don't like talking with her. We have nothing in
common by way of beliefs or even taste. In short, I
don't know how I could be related to her and, in fact,
wish I weren't! On the other hand, I'm sure that
somewhere inside I must have some love for her since
this whole thing bothers me so. My godfather, a
wonderful retired Episcopal priest, keeps saying, "She
is your mother," and that resonates but honestly, I
just can't bring myself to talk to her. She lives in
Kansas, I'm in Texas and the most I can do is to send
a card on Mother's Day and on her birthday. I even
find the cards difficult to sign, "Love, Doug." Do
you have any suggestions? I love my godfather and my
godmother but I have my obvious limitations. Can you
help?

Answer

Parent-child relationships are fraught with peril and
pain and especially when adolescent rebellion
stretches, as it appears to have done into your case,
into the sixth decade of life. Your letter reminded
me of a person I once knew, who had plastic surgery
done over his navel to remove the last vestige of his
relationship with his mother. Or, of a statement a
therapist once made to me that "psychotherapy is the
process through which one goes to enable one to say,
"son of a b----" in front of his M-o-t-h-e-r. So the
first thing I urge you to do is to get some
professional help to assist you in separating delayed
adolescent rebellion from the content of the issues
that now separate you from your mother. They are two
different things.

Mature people can and do live together in mutual
respect without agreeing on lots of things. You refer
to Bill O'Reilly of Fox News Television, for example.
I do not know of a single major issue that Bill
O'Reilly and I agree on, yet I not only like him, but
also have been on his program about eight times. Of
course, he is a right-wing opinionated ideologue. That
is why people watch him. He articulates their anger
and validates their prejudices, and he does it with
style and the kind of cocksure authority that people
assume he cannot possibly be wrong. Of course, Bill
also does not believe that he can ever be wrong. When
I am a guest on his program I have no need to try to
convert him to anything. I do not think leopards can
change their spots. I only seek to establish the
credibility of a contrasting point of view and to
assert that he does not speak for me or for many in
this country. He clearly does speak for some. Bill
O'Reilly will roll over his guests if his guests allow
him to do so. When his guest holds his own and
articulates a counter argument well I find that Bill
will listen. When he interrupts as he frequently
does, I think he needs to be called on it. I have
never felt abused by him but I have always felt I have
been in a battle.

Despite this kind of relationship, Bill O'Reilly
actually endorsed my last book, even though I told him
that his endorsement would hurt his reputation and
mine! He also asked my publisher for the chance to
have my book introduced on television first on his
national Fox program. One can be civil and even enjoy
the company of one with whom you are in total
disagreement. It does help, however to realize that no
human mind can ever embrace all truth.
That is terribly complicated when the person with whom
your disagreement is so intense is your parent. It is
not easy to be a parent. The role of a parent is to
raise your children to be free of their parents, to
grow into being independent thinking people. The
separation is frequently not easy for either parent or
child, no matter how old the child might be.

My best,
John Shelby Spong


New Book From Bishop Spong Available Now!

THE SINS OF SCRIPTURE
Exposing the Bible's Texts of Hate to Reveal the God of Love
"The Sins of Scripture challenges Christians to look beyond the myths of their faith into the heart of the matter."

 

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