I first encountered your religious philosophy and/or beliefs
watching your lecture on University of California Television
about one year ago. I have read several of your books and find
your thoughts to be the best and most sensible in understanding
the Christian faith. However, about three to four years ago I
made the decision to become an atheist based on reading two books
by John A. Henderson, "God.com" and "Fear, Faith, Fact and
Fantasy."
I kept this secret from my wife and even told her that your views
made the most sense to me and your religious philosophy gave me
hope that there might even be a Higher Power. However, about
three months ago, I read Sam Harris - "The End of Faith" and
since that time have felt very comfortable with being an atheist.
Moreover, I have taken several college level audio CD courses in
religion and philosophy, read several books by Elaine Pagels,
studied the findings of the Jesus Seminar, studied several essays
and books by Thomas Sheehan, Rudolph Bultmann and Robert Funk.
None of which has changed my mind.
The point I am trying to get to is: My wife has
always been a Born Again Christian and early in our marriage of
25 years, we attended the churches of her faith and those of my
original faith - Lutheran. Both of my parents are Lutheran. The
other night after a very pleasant evening out, we got into a
discussion about going to church again and I told her I was an
atheist. She almost made me stop the car and let her get out
because she would not be yoked to a non-believer. We are still
together and have tried to talk through this but she is having
great difficulty in accepting my decision. We are scheduled to
see a marriage counselor that we both liked when we had some
problems in our marriage about 10-15 years ago at her suggestion
and my total agreement.
Is there any insight or advice you might provide to
help us work through this situation? I do not want to be
divorced much less separated. Fortunately, we do not have any
children. But I am deeply alarmed that she might consider
separation because I am not a Christian. I did ask her what if I
had chosen Islam, Jewish or even a Taoist belief what would she
have done. She said, "Well, at least you would believe in
something."
You did not sign your name so I have used the first
initial of your email address to preserve your anonymity. Thank
you for sharing your personal story with me.
First let me say that I consider atheism a profound
religious point of view that ought to be honored. The atheist is
not saying there is no God for nobody can finally make that
statement. What the atheist is saying is that there is no God
like the one I have grown up with - that God is not capable of
being God for me. The word atheist means literally "no theist."
Theism is the overwhelmingly human definition of God perpetrated
largely in the western world by the Judeo-Christian faith
tradition. Theism defines God as a being, sometimes called the
Supreme Being, supernatural in power, dwelling somewhere external
to the world and periodically invading the world to split the Red
Sea, to impose the divine will, to bless or to punish or to
answer prayers. This definition of God has been largely
destroyed by the intellectual revolution that began in the 16th
century with Copernicus and continues in our day with discoveries
of DNA, the dimensions of space and so many other things. The
theistic God is now largely unemployed for everything that we
once thought God did, is now explained with no reference to God
at all - Tsunamis, hurricanes, sickness, death, etc. So if
atheism means, "I do not believe in a theistic God," it is a
religious statement and you have much company in the modern
world. Some in this company are conscious that is who they are,
while others are largely unconscious of the fact that they have
made that decision. They simply act it out.
If your claim of atheism means that you know all
there is to know about God and the world and have decided that
there is no room in the universe for God understood in any
manner, then you are as closed-minded as the most rabid
fundamentalist.
In regard to your wife and your marriage, other
issues are clearly operating and seeing a counselor is a wise
thing to do. Be aware of and sensitive to the fact that for many
people religion is a major part of their security system. They
cannot function without it. To disturb that security system
becomes an intolerable threat to the person hiding behind its
walls. Only when you understand that will you understand how it
is possible that your wife might leave a 25-year marriage because
you can no longer live inside the boundaries of what you perceive
the belief in God requires. So much of what we human beings are
is beneath the level of the conscious. Most of our fears are
there. When you disturb that level you get surprising and most
often irrational responses. They are symptoms not causes. A
25-year marriage is worth working to save. I hope you both will
do that. I send you my hopes and best wishes.
John Shelby Spong
P.S. I loved Sam Harris' book, "The End of Faith" and thought it
an appropriate critique of so much of contemporary religion. If
we had more Sam Harris's, we might get the reformation that
Christianity so desperately needs. Jss
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